~jamaisXvu

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Try to Remember, Forget

Mon May 4, 2009, 11:00 AM

_{It's been a long time, dA. I may as well be honest and say that it'll probably be a long time again before I write another journal after this one. But you never know. Crazier things have happened.

However, they have not happened recently. My lack of journals has been largely due to the fact that nothing of much importance has happened in the last few months. Either that, or I have lost the ability to become excited over important events. I'm not ruling that one out.

Anyway, let me take this opportunity to give a relatively brief overview of the last few months. As I mentioned in my last journal, we bought a new car, due to the fact that Aaron's Protege was, in face, a screaming metal death trap. So, we traded it in for an '09 Mitsubishi Lancer. It's black, it's shiny, and its name is Nyx. The salesman at the dealership is probably one of the most entertaining people I've ever met, which is good, because we had to go to back there seven or eight times for various different things. Mike Sams make it up to us though. He makes me chuckle.

Apart from dealing with the new car, I have, of course, been working. I'm still just a temporary employee with the company, and they still haven't given any of us (there are about 15 full-time temps in my department) any clues as to how much longer we'll be employed. Technically, our temporary contracts expired on April 4, however we've been instructed to keep reporting to work pretty much until they otherwise. The whole company is undergoing contract negotiations, and I'm pretty sure they won't decide one way or the other (either to keep us or let us go) until the company-wide contract has been negotiated. Actually, to be more honest, I think they've decided, but they're not going to tell us. In either case, I'm just waiting at this point. It's very frustrating, but I've finally decided that it's not worth stressing about. I won't be able to change the outcome whether I fret over it or not. So why bother?

Speaking which, I've been in touch with my family quite a bit more than usual lately. Apparently my Grandpa (on my mother's side) has been very ill. He was unable to come to my wedding last year due to needing an oxygen tank with him at all time, but apparently things gotten worse. He's been in and out of the hospital for the last few weeks with severe respiratory distress. From what I understand (my mom is an EMT and tends to forget that not everyone is familiar with the medical terminology), he is being treated, but the treatments are not meant to be used for long periods of time. Additionally, his pacemaker is not doing well at keeping up with all of his breathing troubles. Really, it's only a matter of time for him. My mom and my brother are planning a trip to go see him this week. Of course, mom wants me to go. But I don't know...

I just feel so detached from the situation. I feel detached from pretty much everything. I find myself trying to reconnect with old friends, people who I used to genuinely care about, but I just can't make it work. It's not that I don't care. I do care. But I used to be that person that anyone could talk to about anything. I seem to have forgotten how to hold a conversation. Either that or just no one remembers me. *chuckles* Especially in the last few weeks, I've been wishing for just one of those good-old-times conversations, where it was all silliness and drama and laughter. But, I guess those days are just gone.

I just feel like I did everything wrong.

Well, guys I'm just about out of steam here. Congratulations if you made it this far (and didn't skip!) I know I'm not around on dA much (but let's face it, you probably aren't either) but I am still on MSN/AIM/Skype.

Take care. <3}

9 Comments

Mood: Remorse
Listening to: At the Drive In- Quarantined
Playing: World of Warcraft
Drinking: Water

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=Atrocity-of-life May 4, 2009, 11:09:12 AM

Sitting at the edge of the world, looking over and dropping pennies that clink to infinity.

--
Bass Fingers.

~joysoftruth May 4, 2009, 11:25:58 AM

Fretting over the possibility of a great outcome vs. a morbid loss is a gamble, I think. The more you fret, the more you invest, and the better the great outcome will feel, however, the more you fret, the more terrible the morbid loss would feel.

I'm kinda in the same boat with a few things going on in my life as well, one of which is my job. I've stopped fretting, so I feel like if I lose the job, I'll be able to walk out without shedding a tear, or even feeling the need to.

Unfortunately, I do have to say, that's inhuman. Emotion is necessary to be human. So, I know half of what you're talking about as far as missing the good ol' times. One day, when I'm able to consume alcohol again after my wound hopefully finally heals, we need to get on Skype (ew, Skype) and just drink and talk and have fun.

You're not doing everything wrong; I think you're just missing the excitement of the fretting gamble.

We'll have to fret together soon.

--
_{Каждая хаотической становится гармония.}

~jamaisXvu May 4, 2009, 11:39:37 AM

Fret Party!

Your place or mine?

♥

_{What's the world coming to?}

`Oukan May 4, 2009, 2:18:18 PM

Hey hun.

I hope and pray your grandfather gets better.

Glad to hear that you're doing alright.

I can understand the job part. My mom use to work for a company temporary, and we weren't sure on how long she would do that until she finds a permanent position. Yet enough, she tells us we're blessed to be where we are. Even if it's for a short time, something better will come our way.

And you're right, it's nothing to stress over. What matters most is where you are and that you're able to wake up to see another day.

I hope things get better for you. For me, it's all good. My car died, and I'm debating on just not getting a new car till next year...or who knows. Something is out there, we just have to find it.